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  • Writer's pictureBari Shamas

Mama Bear musings for mothers day

Looking at the question of what is Masculine what is Feminine?

As it is mother’s day, I share with you a wonderful gift I received from my son, while we were vacationing together recently. He shared core insights on what is is to embody masculinity and femininity—profound lessons on being human.

While on vacation I set out with a question.  “What did we learn from our parents about what it is to be masculine?”  I asked just about everyone I saw this question along with the general one of what it is to be masculine.

Above I have a link to a video with my musings on that.  

What my son said was - “well I have nothing since I was raised by two moms.  It was different and definitely a rare perspective, but I wasn’t taught that men were better than women so I grew up without that sense of superiority many people believe from their more conventional upbringings”. He added his belief that we would all be better off living from that perspective.  

As a mother of a son, who as a young boy often wore his hair long and was quite a beautiful.  There was often occasion, while we where out and about, where people referred to him as “she” and treated him as a female.  

As his parents, we made a conscious decision not to correct these people.  If he wanted to correct them we would support him.  If he did not correct them, then we hoped that he would feel that being female was the same as being male.  We also felt it important to support him in expressing himself in whatever way he wanted to.  Seems that he is grateful for these choices.

As an adult he continues wearing his hair long, with ever changing facial hair and is rarely seen as female.  He is comfortable in his expression and remains a beautiful being.

Being queer and being a parent helped me understand that being authentic to your own expression is what is most important.  

On this mother’s day, may I also thank my mother, for loving me still, even though I did not express my self in the feminine manner she had hoped I would.  Her love for me has been constant. 

To all mothers out there happy mother’s day. May you find yourselves able to express in your authentic ways, modeling what it is to be human.

Hope you enjoy my video.

Yours with love and gratitude,


PS. Both my daughter and son blessed me with a mother's day gift of flowers.  


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